Jake Blues, The Bachelor
by Mrs. Mojo Risin' Blues
Summary: After seeing Elwood happy with Maria, Jake decides to go out into the dating world again. Will he find that one special woman?


Jake Blues was a Blues Superstar. He loved being the leader of the band who always gave his best singing on stage, and he loved the luxuries that came with being a well-known musician.

Including all the women that came along...

But he wasn't what a person would call, "Committed". He cowers at the idea of getting married and often would look for one night stands, so he could have an excuse to not be 'held back'.

Elwood Blues, on the other hand, wasn't anti-romantic like his older brother. In fact, he was quite happy with his relationship with his girlfriend and fellow bandmember Maria Valens.

As time went by, however, Jake began to think about what it felt like to have an actual girlfriend. He would often see Elwood smile or blush over the sweet, loving words and kisses Maria would give him. Jake couldn't blame Elwood for enjoying that feeling because, as Jake remembered from his ex fiancee Camille, The feeling of lips from a woman he loved against his felt damn good.

_They both look so happy...Damn,I haven't felt that in awhile._

He was happy for his brother and felt proud of him for keeping his relationship strong, but after many arguments with himself and much self denial, Jake decided he wanted a relationship like the one his brother had.

He finally decided to ask Maria for help. He would've asked Elwood, but he didn't want to show his brother that he wasn't confident about romance especially since Elwood asked for his advice during his courtship with Maria.

One day as Elwood took the Bluesmobile to the mechanic, Jake went towards maria's hotel room, where he could hear Maria curse as she fixed her guitar strings.

_Knock knock knock_

"Who is it?"

"The Pizza guy" Jake said sarcastically

She went to the door and opened it to face the older Blues Brother

"What do you want Jake?" she replied reluctantly

"I want advice...now bear with me because this isn't easy for me to admit." he said to her as he walked in the room.

He sat at the edge of her bed and she sat next to him.

"Ok?" she asked "Sooo...what is it?"

"I uh...was wondering...in a woman's point of view, am I attractive?"

Maria cocked an eyebrow at him "What?"

"Okay wrong question" he said to himself "Uh...what attracted you to Elwood in the first place?"

She still had her cocked eyebrow at him as she thought about her answer "Definitely his voice."

"I knew it" Jake said silently to himself

"okay so Why the hell are you asking this?" she asked suspiciously "Since when have you cared about my opinion towards you?"

"I was uh...thinking about trying to...look for a girlfriend and I wanna make sure I do this right. I haven't been on the market like this in along time."

"Ohhhhhhh!" she said in full understanding "So Jake Blues, the bachelor is on the prowl once gain!"

"What do I do? Pick up a chick from a bar? No wait...that's how I met Camille..." Jake said as his voice drifted off

"And we all know how well that turned out" Maria said sarcastically "No, don't pick up a chick from a bar. That's only if you want to get laid. If you want to look for a nice woman than go to...I don't know...the library?"

"I hate reading!" Jake complained

"Well then...maybe a church?"

"We grew up in a Catholic Orphanage; we already paid my dues to the church"

"Yeah that's true. So...how about at a museum?"

"What kinda of place is a museum to meet chicks?" Jake argued

"I'm offering you ideas and you're shooting them down!" she cried out impatiently

"Well sorry, but they all suck!"

Maria rolled her eyes "That's it. I give up."

She grabbed her newspaper and began reading it, ignoring Jake's complaints. After he saw he wasn't going to effect her, he got up to leave until Maria noticed a particular ad in the paper.

_Looking for love? Maybe you just want to meet new people? Why not try speed dating? Meet 20 people in one hour!"_

"Hey Jake! Maybe you can try this!" she exclaimed as she lifted to newspaper to show him.

He read the and and shook his head "oh hell no."

"Look, it may not be the best way to meet women, but at least you can get to know people and figure out what you want out of a woman!"

Jake paused, thinking about what she had just said.

_She does have a point..._

Jake sighed and rolled his eyes "Alright. I'll do it."

* * *

><p>"Are you sure you wanna do this, man?" Elwood asked as Jake walked towards the building where the seminar is being held.<p>

"Yeah. Just to...give it a try I guess."

Elwood was still suspicious over what made his brother want to date again but he shrugged it off and let his older brother do his thing as he and Maria parked the Bluesmobile and decided to go see a movie. Jake took a deep breath and stepped inside the restaurant where he found a sign pointing to a separate private dining room. He walked towards the room and was told to sit at a specific numbered table. He sat and waited as he noticed the other men that were there with him. Most of them looked like regular guys with the exception of a few men who looked like they worked for the stock market

_Face it, I have no chance with a chick if those guys are around_

After a few minutes, the host of the seminar hit a gong, signaling that the ladies had arrived. A line of women entered the room in single file as they sat at the little tables they were assigned to. The one that sat at Jake's table, he had noticed, was holding a dark grey cat.

_Why the hell did she bring a cat to this thing?_

"At the sound of the gong, the men are required to move the table to their left and to continue the cycle until the hour is up. Your two minutes start...now"

_Buuummm_

Jake turned his attention towards his first date and he tried to be friendly as possible, despite the presence of her cat.

"Um...hi" he began "I'm Jake Blues."

The blonde girl in front of him smiled "I'm Cathy."

Cathy the held up her grumpy looking cat

"And this is Mittens. Say hi Mittens!" she cooed

She held Mittens across the table, right in front of Jake's face. Jake sat back in his chair a bit, surprised by the forced closeness.

"He...um...is a nice cat." Jake said awkwardly as Mittens gave him a disapproving look with its yellow eyes.

"He is such a sweet little kitty!" she cooed "He loves it when a person pets his head!"

Jake held a hand out to pet Mittens on the head but the cat growled and scratched Jake's hand

"Ow shit!" he cursed, retracting his hand

"Bad kitty!" Cathy scolded at Mittens.

For the rest of the time they had together, Cathy was rambling on about her other 9 cats and how they're special, cute, good kitties etcetra. Jake on the outside looked like he listened, but beneath his shades, he was eyeing the woman two tables down. She looked very posh and upper class almost like Jessica Rabbit.

_Buuuummm_

Jake hastily got up and sat down on the next chair, hopeful that this woman didn't have a cat.

"Hi, I'm Nancy" the woman said politely

She didn't have a cat, but she had something that Jake couldn't help but stare at.

A Mole.

"I'm..uh... Jake"

"So are from out of town or are you local?" she asked

Jake was silent for a few seconds, staring at the mole until..

"Jake?...Jake!"

He snapped back to reality and focused his attention to Nancy as he answered "I'm uh..from here...Calumet City."

"Oh" she replied "Well, I'm originally from California but I wanna get out and see the world and become an actress and maybe be one of those travelers you see on TV..."

"Oh uh...cool." Jake replied in monotone

"What do you do?" she asked

"I'm a Blues musician."

"My father was in a blues band back in California..."

The whole conversation then drifted to her family as she rambled on about her brother the mechanic and her mom the stewardess.

_She's as bad as Catwoman!_ Jake complained to himself. _Not only is she ugly, but she wont even let me talk!_

After what it seemed like forever, Jake moved on to the posh looking woman. Jake sat up in his chair and cocked his eyebrow in his signature way.

"Why hello" he greeted slyly "I'm Jake"

The woman however put on a fake smile and replied almost disgusted "I'm Megan"

"I've always liked that name" he said

"Uh huh" she replied as she took out a makeup mirror and reapplied her lipstick, obviously not listening to him.

"Well uh..." he began, unsure of what to say to his first decent looking date of the night. "I don't know if you've heard of me, but I'm Joliet Jake Blues from the band 'The Blues Brothers'. my brother Elwood and I are the leading vocals of the band."

"Oh that's nice" she replied idly

"We're actually starting to become really famous" he continued

"Mhmm"

_This chick looks bored. Maybe that's a signal to let her talk_

"So what do you do?" Jake asked

"I'm inspiring to be a model" she snapped "and to be blunt, I don't think you're my type so I'm not going to waste my time with you"

Jake looked confused and narrowed his eyes at her rude statement "What? why am I not your type?"

"I need a man who's at least I don't know...one hundred pounds lighter than you!" she replied rudely "and a man who's at least handsome."

Jake began to get angry _What the hell? Who the hell is she to tell me I'm fat and ugly? Well, two can play that game!_

"Well, You're not my type either! I want a woman who will actually eat her food and not throw it up" he retorted, implying that's what she did because of her being a model "and I need my woman to not be a superficial bitch."

Megan's jaw dropped and her eyes grew wide before she threw a glass of wine at his face. Jake wiped the wine off and remained silent until the gong rung.

_Bummmmm_

Jake left his chair and sat on the next one. The woman he saw seemed pretty normal, much to his relief

_No mole, no cat, and doesn't look like a bitch...good_

"Hi I'm Jake" he greeted kindly

"I'm Carrie" she responded as she shook his hand.

As he shook her hand, he noticed a gold cross around her neck on a gold chain

Jake let go of his hand, sat down and continued to talk "So...I see you have a crucifix as a necklace. Are you Catholic?"

"Yes I am"

"Good, so am I"

"Oh really?" she asked "What's your favorite book of the bible?"

Jake fell silent. Growing up, he never liked reading the bible. In fact, he often would make spit balls out of some old worn out bible pages. He quickly thought of a lie as he answered "Uhh...the one where that guy gets swallowed by the whale?"

She gave him a disproving look, not convinced by his lie "Jacob, you need to memorize your books of the bible! Don't you want to impress Jesus in heaven?"

_What the hell is she talking about? I thought this was a date, not a sermon!_

"Um...sure?" Jake answered unsure if she would eat it up.

She gave Jake a disapproving look again "You need more of Jesus in your life."

"So I've been told" Jake said glumly

Throughout the rest of the night, Jake felt hopeless with the women he was meeting. The majority of them were boring in his eyes and they didn't see to find him entertaining as well

_This is a waste of my damn time. After this, I'm hitting the bars..._

* * *

><p>Once the whole seminar was over, Jake walked out and noticed the time on his watch<p>

9:30

_Still got a half hour before Loverboy and Six Strings finish thier movie...I can have a few drinks..._

Jake walked right across the street where the movie theater was and walked into the bar. He rambled on and on about love to the bartender who politely listened. After half an hour, Jake walked outside and noticed a crowd of people walking out of the theater, including Elwood and Maria

"I laughed so much when the doctor said 'Don't call me Shirley'" Maria said to Elwood

Elwood chuckled and noticed Jake on the other side of the street "Hey its Jake."

The couple made their way towards him across the street.

"Hey man" Elwood greeted "How did it go?"

"'A big waste of time' is how it went" Jake replied grumpily "I can't believe how many crazy ass women there are in the world!"

"It was just 20 women. It's not the end of your love life!" Maria comforted "I think you should take a trip to China. The women out there are plentiful."

"I'm not that desperate to travel over 18 hours to find a chick." Jake replied

"Well, they're not gonna pop out in front of you..." she said

As they walked towards the Bluesmobile, Elwood stopped in his tracks and noticed something wrong. There was a meter maid there writing out a ticket for the Bluesmobile.

"Hey!" Elwood called out

The meter maid turned her head and noticed the taller Blues Brother approach her.

"What the hell is this for?" he asked her as he looked at the ticket

"Sorry mister, but you can't park here"

"Shit"

Maria lifted her eyebrows, not because he got a ticket, but because she recognized the meter maid writing it.

"Rita? Is that you?"

Rita turned her head towards Maria and her eyes glowed " Oh my god, Maria!"

The two women hugged and laughed as the Blues Brothers looked confused.

"How are you? Where have you been?" Rita asked

"I was kicked out of Instant Karma and these guys took me in!" Maria exclaimed as she turned to the two men "Rita this is Elwood Blues. Elwood. Rita. And this is his brother Jake. She's a friend from my days in Instant Karma"

When Jake shook her hand, he noticed her hand was soft and noticed something else as well

_She's really cute..._  
>She had bright red hair, sparkling grey eyes and the small amount of freckles on her cheeks.<p>

"Hey, aren't you guys the Blues Brothers?" Rita asked them

"Yeah" Jake spoke up

"Ive heard of you guys. I heard you can really play"

"Well you heard right" Jake said proudly "We specialize in Soul as well as Rhythm and Blues."

"I love soul music!" she exclaimed happily

_Score!_

"I should go see you guys someday"

"Well we actually have a gig tomorrow if you wanna see us." Jake offered

Rita smiled "That sounds like a plan!"

Maria and Elwood hid their laughter as Jake and Rita continued to flirt with each other.

"Hey uh...Are you busy tonight?" Jake asked Rita

"Well as a matter of fact, your brother's ticket was my last assignment of the night." Rita replied "I'm free right now."

"How about we go on a double date? You and me? With My brother and Six Strings?" Jake asked the red head.

"I'm down. You guys up for it?"

"Sure" Elwood replied

"Yeah"

As Maria climbed in the passengers seat and Elwood on the drivers, they noticed that Jake rode shotgun in Rita's car

"How about we meet at that steakhouse a few blocks down?" Elwood asked Jake

"See you there!"

Elwood's car drove off as Jake and his date soon followed.

As the Bluesmobile took off, Maria giggled at the thought of Jake and Rita going out. It seemed so cute to her that Jake was trying to achieve that 'Crazy little thing called Love' and it looked to her that he was making good progress so far.

_I hope they last. They look so cute together..._

**AN: Yay Jake found a chick to go out with! **

**So what did you think of my first Jake oneshot? Feedback is greatly appreciated! I wrote this mainly because I wanted to give jake a bot of lovin'  
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**Btw: the movie Maria and Elwood saw was 'Airplane' if you didn't already know that. The 'Don't call me Shirley' reference should've gave it away...**


End file.
